


The Weight of Things Unsaid, Undone

by IntoTheRiverStyx



Series: The Stories We Tell [9]
Category: Arthurian Mythology
Genre: M/M, Post battle of camlann, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23553295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheRiverStyx/pseuds/IntoTheRiverStyx
Summary: Mordred and Galahad help as many people as they can ready for the sudden influx of winter. The storm outside is raging, but it's nothing compared to the weight on Kai's soul. Bedivere helps Kai weather the internal storm.
Relationships: Bedivere/Kay (Arthurian)
Series: The Stories We Tell [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608088
Kudos: 13





	The Weight of Things Unsaid, Undone

“I'm not useless,” Kai huffed after his third failed attempt to get out of bed, put weight on his leg.

“I'd never say that about you,” Bedivere was still beside him, not out helping the boys with whatever tasks they'd busied themselves with.

The snow, by Kai's estimate, had come near a month early and brought with it winds that could kill someone if they weren't bundled up, that absolutely would kill someone if they tried to stay out overnight.

“I know,” Kai said, shoulders dropping, “I'm saying it about me.”

“Of course you are,” Bedivere pushed on Kay's shoulders just light enough to tell him to lay back. Kay did, and Bedivere crawled up next to him, “Relax, Kai. Please.”

“If for no other reason than because you've asked so nicely,” Kai grumbled.

“The boys will be fine,” Bedivere told him.

“It's the rest of the village I'm worried about,” Kai sighed, “We haven't had a winter this cold in decades. Unless I missed one.”

“You didn't,” Bedivere put an arm over Kai, “But they are going to so much better than had we not stayed here so long.”

Kai huffed, an acquiescence, and shifted just enough to tell Bedivere to come closer.

–

Mordred used his forearms to brace the beam Galahad was fitting into an outer threshold frame in dire need of replacement.

“How are you holding up?” Galahad asked as he used the side of his fist to bang the beam into place.

“I'm alright,” Mordred told him, “How's it looking?”

“Like we may be able to get away with just replacing the top beam right now,” Galahad told him, “but we're absolutely going to need to replace the whole thing sooner than later.”

“Noted,” Mordred nodded.

“Alright,” Galahad stepped back to look at his work, “should be good. We'll let them know and move on to the next house?”

“Works for me,” Mordred said as he shook his arms out, “How's the rest of the village looking?”

“Mostly window coverings, some threshold fixes, a handful of roof checks,” Galahad already memorized who needed what and which projects were most urgent.

“Snow keeps coming down faster,” Mordred shivered.

“Which is to say nothing for the wind,” Galahad pulled his arms around himself, “Now come on, the sooner we get everything done, the sooner he get to sit our asses down by the tavern fire.”

Mordred couldn't help the laugh that escaped.

–

“I'm going to get us lunch,” Bedivere told Kai as he started to extract himself from the warmth of the bed.

“Not hungry,” Kai told him.

“Oh don't bullshit me,” Bedivere said, not completely without heat, “You haven't eaten all day.”

“I love you,” Kai said.

“I love you,” Bedivere told him, “I'll be back with lunch as soon as I can, yeah?”

Kai nodded and watched Bedivere go downstairs.

–

The more Mordred watched Galahad work, the more he was convinced the other man had to have had at least some prior experience with building and repairs.

“How's the smoking going?” Galahad asked John.

“It's not dead yet,” John told them, “but I'm afraid it's going to be if the snow keeps piling up like that.”

Galahad stepped back outside to look at the meat smoking area and, sure enough, the canvas coverings that kept the meat from most of the elements was sagging under the weight of the snow.

If it fell, Galahad realized, the meat would all be lost, and possibly the fabric, too.

“What if,” Mordred looked between John and the smoking area, “we put the smoke fires out and let the meat freeze? It's not ideal, but it'll work.”

“We'll have to get it all back out and the fires started again as soon as we can after it looks like it's going to thaw,” John chewed on the inside of his lip, “but that will work. Thank you.”

“You can call on us,” Galahad told him, “and we'll help everything get set back up.”

“Thank you,” John told them, “I can handle this part by myself, though. Seems you're needed elsewhere.”

“Again,” Mordred hesitated before he followed Galahad out to the rest of the town, “if you need anything.”

–

Bedivere chatted with the innkeep's wife about the weather and its ferocity for a bit before lunch was ready. She helped him load a single tray and balance it carefully so he could open the room door without having to adjust or risk spilling the tray.

When he got back to their room, he found Kai sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor with an unfixed, almost dazed stare pointed in the general direction of the floor. His hands were braced on either side of him, elbows locked and knuckles white.

“Kai?” Bedivere asked as he set the tray down on the room's single small table, “Kao, what's going on?”

“I didn't try to stand up,” Kai's voice was hollow.

“Kai,” Bedivere felt panic begin to seep into his awareness, “what's wrong?”

“My fucking leg is always going to make me a burden,” Kai's voice was a distant thing, “I'm never going to be a whole fucking person because of my fucking leg.”

“Oh Kai,” Bedivere knelt down in front of Kai and put his head in Kai's lap cheek first, “talk to me, please.”

And Kai did.

–

Arthur was absolutely furious when I slipped into the War formation silently, begged me to turn around, go back. He came up with every possible excuse for me to be able to do it from needing to get a message to the Queen to fetching an item for him.

He reasoned the battle itself would be almost disturbingly quick, our numbers and strength giving us an advantage so heavy the other side would have no way to prepare themselves. 

I told him that if it was going to be quick, then he had nothing to worry about. I would ride out in the back of the calvary is it made him feel any better, but if he was going, I was going.

–

“It took weeks,” Bedivere interrupted, “Even after you disappeared, it took weeks.”

“I know,” Kai felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes, “I know.”

–

When the sword bit into my thigh, there was a part of me that wished it had struck deeper that I might avoid facing Arthur, facing my own failure.

–

“Do you still think that way?” Bedivere interrupted.

“No,” Kay was quick to answer, “No, I do not.”

“Thank the gods,” Bedivere buried his face into Kay's chest, “I am glad you are here.”

“I am glad I'm with you,” Kay told him as he ran a hand through Bedivere's hair, “Surviving it all is easier, with you.”

–

“Go back to the inn,” the blacksmith told them once they'd finished covering the feed stores, “The storm's coming too fast.”

“There's still work to be done!” Galahad argued.

“Which you can't do when you freeze to death,” the blacksmith pointed out, “I will drag you back if I have to.”

“We can walk,” Mordred promised him, in no hurry to be escorted as if he were still a child, “but thank you, for looking out for us.”

Galahad opened and closed his mouth a few times as if trying to find an argument, but ultimately decided against it.

“Go,” the blacksmith repeated.

They went.

–

Galahad was quick to shed his outer layers and hand them up to dry as soon as they got back to their rooms.

“We should see about sealing our own window,” Mordred shivered, “It's freezing in here.”

“The frame's wood,” Galahad said, “as long as we can fix a fur to it, we should be fine.”

“I'll see what we have to spare,” Mordred told him, “you focus on warming up.”

“Aren't you cold, too?” Galahad tilded his head.

“My gloves didn't leave a gap,” Mordred pointed to a dark red line around Galahad's wrists, “you need to get in front of a fire.”

“But -” Galahad tried to argue.

“I can nail a skin to wood,” Mordred crossed his arms, “Go down to the tavern fire and warm yourself. Please.”

And, really, what position was Galahad in to dispute a please that earnest?

–

Kai let himself relax as he felt Bedivere's chest rise and fall in time with his breaths, the warmth and pressure effective in dulling the edges of his anxieties.

“When Arthur arrived to the holding area for the injured, he made such a scene I feared we were going to have deserters,” he told Bedivere, “I do not wish to repeat what he said to me – quite the opposite, I wish to forget it entirely – but it was _bad_ , Bedivere.”

“He wouldn't speak of it,” Bedivere told him honestly, “of what he said to you, I mean.”

“That makes it worse,” Kai huffed, “I think.”

Bedivere made an unhappy noise but pressed a kiss to the fabric that covered Kai's chest.

“He made it sound like I didn't trust him,” Kai closed his eyes, “like I didn't respect him. It was awful, the weight of everyone's stares on me while Arthur screamed and scream and screamed as if everyone around me didn't matter.”

Bedviere had heard of some of the fallout, but decided now was not the time to relay that to Kai. Instead, he pulled Kai closer and whispered that he had him, that Kai was safe in his arms.

He pretended his own heart didn't break as Kai wept for the time he didn't get with his brother.

–

When Mordred joined Galahad by the fire, the younger Knight was shivering.

Mordred went back upstairs to fetch one of the larger furs to drape around Galahad.

“Oh!” Galahad made a soft noise of surprise as the fur was wrapped around his shoulders, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Mordred sat down next to him, “how are you feeling?”

“I didn't realize I was so cold,” Galahad said as his teeth chattered, “Is it bad?”

“I don't know,” Mordred told him honestly, “The exposed areas look angry, but they're red, bot blue or black, so I think that means you'll be alright?”

“Let me see,” the innkeeper said as he walked over to them. He took Galahad's hands in his and turned them over a few times, “Not good but salvageable,” he assessed, “Keep them as warm as you can and stay out of the storm as much as possible and they'll heal.”

“Oh good,” Galahad breathed a sigh of relief, “I didn't know it was bad.”

“You always put others first,” Mordred meant it as a compliment, mostly.

“Did you two start a fire in your room?” the innkeeper asked. They shook their heads no. “Stay at this fire a bit, then, and I'll get one started in your room. Do you think your friends will need a fire as well?”

And, really, the chimney construction had been so much extra steps, but Mordred was glad Bedivere, if no one else, had had the forethought to make sure they were constructed.

“I haven't checked on them,” Mordred said.

“I'll check,” the innkeeper assured them, “you two get warm.”

“Thank you,” Mordred said before he turned his attentions back to Galahad, “Let me see,” he held out his hands. Galahad held his hands towards Mordred, who took them and pulled Galahad forward until his wrists were under his armpits. Galahad had to shift to keep from winding up face-first in Mordred's lap, the angle still awkward. “This will help restore the circulation,” Mordred told him.

Galahad nodded and tried not to think about how close they were, how this was the most intentional physical contact he'd had with anyone since the day the Table decided it was time for him to learn to be a man.

“Thanks,” Galahad meant it in so many ways.

–

A soft knock at the door was the first thing to rouse Bedivere from his vigil over Kai letting himself truly _feel_ his losses.

“Yes?” Bedivere said as he opened the door a crack.

“Uh,” the innkeeper deliberately looked away from the room, unsure of what he would see in the room and in no hurry to find out, “just checking to see if you two needed a fire started or wood.”

“We're good,” Bedivere told the truth, “but thank you.”

“Of course,” the innkeeper nodded, “I'll, uh, I'll just leave some wood by the door for whenever you need it.”

“Thank you,” Bedivere told him before he shut the door. He laid back down next to Kai and held Kai close to him. Kai was still sobbing, still letting over a decade of things unsaid, things undone work their way to the surface.

Bedivere hoped it was helping decrease the weight, not increase it.

He did note, though, that despite the storm outside, their room was an absolutely pleasant warmth. Kai's magic, he realized, seemed to be taking care of Kai as he worked through everything.

Bedivere made a mental note to bring it up much later.


End file.
